Facing Cancer and Finding Peace

A Sudden Turn of Events

After finishing my undergraduate degree in Sydney, my plan was straightforward: stay and complete my Master’s. But then COVID-19 hit, disrupting everything and bringing me back to Hong Kong.

Not long after returning, I noticed a distinct swelling on my neck, a visible bump that hadn't been there before. I went to the doctor to get it checked out. After a series of tests, I was delivered news that felt entirely surreal: it was thyroid cancer.

The Mask of Calm

I have always been someone who suppresses my emotions. Even though the fear and confusion hit me like a tidal wave the moment I heard the diagnosis, I refused to let it show. My family was right there in the room with me, and I don’t want to make them panic. I kept a straight face and asked the doctor calmly, "So basically, all I need is surgery?"

Because time was of the essence, everything moved at a dizzying speed. A total thyroidectomy was scheduled almost immediately, an operation to remove my entire thyroid gland.

That night, when we got home, the atmosphere was heavy. Over dinner, as the topic came up again, the dam broke. All the suppressed terror, grief, and confusion burst through. I broke down crying uncontrollably and walked away from the table without eating a single bite.

Facing Human Vulnerability

I rarely ask "Why me?" But that night was the first time I whispered those words to the dark, feeling the absolute insignificance and fragility of being human.

Deep down, I knew I had no choice, surgery was the only way forward. Yet, coming to terms with losing a bodily organ on such short notice was agonizing.

Knowing I was forced into a single path made me terrified:

What if this is a wrong decision? What if everything goes wrong?

The Only Thing Left to Control

After that night’s emotional collapse, a moment of sharp clarity washed over me.

I realized that I cannot control what life throws at me. Accidents, illnesses, global pandemics, none of it is up to me. But as I looked at my helplessness, I asked myself:

So what is left within my control?

There was only one answer:

My mindset and how I choose to respond.

Because not even the universe can control how I process it or how I choose to face it.

With that realization, peace replaced panic. I made the conscious decision to accept my reality, face it head-on, and fully trust the doctor to make the best decisions for me.

The Mind-Body Connection

Looking back, six years have passed since that life-altering moment. Nobody wishes to get sick, but reflecting on that chapter today, my biggest takeaway is this: Mental health and physical health are deeply, inextricably linked.

Aside from cancer, I actually developed other systemic autoimmune disorder during my uni years. Because of this, I deeply understand that you should never underestimate the devastating impact that unaddressed emotional pain and psychological stress can take on your body. When suppressed long enough, emotional wounds could manifest physically.

Take care of your mind, because your body is listening to every word it says.